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While browsing Weibo, I came across a blog post about Xin Zhi Lei. My recent awareness of her stems from her winning the Best Actress award at the Venice Film Festival. The article detailed her experiences before fame. For three or four years, she couldn’t land any roles, so she channeled her energy elsewhere, telling herself she didn’t need to compete. As a result, her audition success rate dropped even further. Later, a friend offered her some insight. She pointed out that Xin wasn’t truly without ambition or desire—she was deceiving herself, making excuses.

我在浏览微博的时候，我看到网上有一篇博文讲辛芷蕾的。我对她最近的认识是她得了威尼斯影后。文章里面讲了她成名前的经历。曾有三四年的时候接不到戏，便将精神寄托于别处，告诉自己不需要争抢，结果试镜的成功率便更低了。后来一个朋友算是提点了她。说她并不是真的没有欲望，真的不想要，而且是在欺骗自己为自己找理由。

When I was young, my mother often taught me to be humble. If someone else wanted something, I shouldn’t say I wanted it too, even if they were older than me. Her original intention was that avoiding conflict and striving for peaceful coexistence would make others happy and benefit me as well. To me, the humility my mother taught wasn’t just Confucian-style self-sacrifice; it was self-suppression. Others were happy, but I wasn’t. Yet I’ve always been a rebellious soul. If you tell me not to do something that makes me uncomfortable, I feel you’re wrong, and I’ll deliberately do it—or do the opposite. Even so, I still felt influenced by the idea that I shouldn’t express my own desires. It mostly depends on whether someone is giving me orders. If not, my rebellious streak doesn’t activate. Then I become that unassuming “good person” who avoids conflict. When faced with something I want, I tell myself, “You don’t really want it that much. Forget it. Someone else wants it more. If I say I want it too, won’t they be upset?”

小的时候，我妈经常教育我要谦让，别人想要的东西，我不能去说我也想要，就算是面对对方比我更年长。她的初心是认为不争不抢，和平相处相处，让别人开心对自己也好。在我看来，我妈所教育我的谦让，不仅是孔融让梨式的，而且还是压抑自我式的。别人是开心了，但是我不开心了。但是我从小也是一个反骨的人。你不让我做的事情让我不舒服了，我觉得你这样不对，我就偏要做，偏要反着来。但是即便如此，我觉得我还是受到了不应该表达出我也想要的欲望的观念的影响。主要是看有没有那么一个人对我发号施令。如果没有，那么我的反骨因子就不会被激活。那么我就会是那个不争不抢的“老好人”。面对我想要的东西的时候，我会告诉自己你没有那么想要，忘掉它吧，别人更想要，如果我说我也想要，别人会不会不开心？

The article then shares the blogger’s reflections on this. She uses two examples: writing novels and making money. She admits that when writing fiction, she fears readers will criticize her characters, so she overanalyzes every detail beforehand to avoid all risks. It’s not that she can’t write—it’s that her creative nerves are paralyzed by fear. The same applies to making money: she hesitates to start a media platform for fear of others finding out, and she avoids business ventures because she dreads losses or not getting the return she deserves. So she simply stops trying.

然后文章接下来讲的就是博主对此的感悟。她举了写小说和赚钱两个例子。博主说她写小说的时候也害怕自己想写的角色会被读者骂，下笔前总是思前想后想要规避所有风险，所以并不是她写不出来东西而是创意的神经被恐惧麻痹。赚钱也如此，做自媒体怕周围的人知道，做生意又害怕亏损，害怕自己的付出得不到该有的回报，所以就干脆不努力了。

I experience similar thoughts when building my personal platform, creating websites, producing videos, or writing articles. I don’t want relatives and friends to see my work, I dread negative online feedback, and I fear pouring thousands of words into something only to receive sparse responses. Facing this internal struggle, I tell myself, “Well, it probably won’t succeed anyway. Let’s move on to the next goal—I wasn’t really committed to this one anyway.”

我在做个人平台，做网站，做视频，写文章等等的时候一样，也经常会有冒出相似的念头。我不想被亲戚朋友们看到，我不想接收到网上的负面评价，我也害怕我洋洋洒洒几千字，最后的回应寥寥无几。面对内心的斗争，我说，好吧，应该很难成功的，转到下一个目标吧，这个我又没有想去做了。

This mindset mirrors what many of us think: action might lead to failure, so why not avoid action altogether? Without action, there’s no outcome—and failure naturally stays away. But so does potential success. When we see others succeed, we can rationalize: “I had that idea too, long ago, but never acted on it,” or “I did start, but it wasn’t my lack of ability—I just lost motivation and didn’t stick with it.”

我想这就和我们很多人想的一样，行动可能失败，那么干脆就不行动，不行动就不会有结果，失败也自然而然不会来临，当然可能的成功也会如此。当我们看到别人成功的时候，我们可以给自己找借口说，当时我也有这个想法，很早就有了，只是当时没有做罢了，或者我做了，不是我不行，而是后来又不想做了没坚持下来罢了。

We chase perfection without realizing completion trumps perfection. Only by taking that first step can we later refine it to perfection. As the academic world often says, the best thesis is the one that gets finished. We fear others’ judgment, but what we dread most is the gaze we cast upon ourselves—seeing the gap between our ideal self and our reality. We fear how we’ll view ourselves when we can’t succeed yet, when we face rejection and criticism. Moreover, we fear our desires might upset others or disrupt the peace in our relationships. So we hesitate, numbing ourselves with things we don’t truly want to avoid taking decisive action or facing competition. We aren’t honest with ourselves, nor do we persist in pursuing what we truly desire.

我们追求完美却不知道完成比完美更重要，先有迈出行动的完成才有会有后来的尽善尽美。就像学术圈流行的一句话，最好的毕业论文是完成了的毕业论文。还有害怕别人的眼光，但是最害怕的还是，自己看到理想中的自我和现实中的自我有差距的眼光。害怕的是，自己怎么看待自己暂时还不能成功，被拒绝，被评论的眼光。还有，我们害怕，我们的欲望会让别人不开心不满意，竞争会破坏了人际交往中的和平。所以，我们瞻前顾后，我们用我们没有很想要去麻痹自己，规避有始有终的行动，规避竞争。我们没有对我们自己诚实，也没有对我们自己想要的坚持。

If someone tells you to give up what you want, you might resist—just like I did with my mom when I was little. But when no one is ordering you around, will you still be honest with yourself? Or have you learned to numb yourself too?

如果有那么一个人让你放弃你想要的东西的时候，你可能会反抗，就像小时候我和我妈一样。但是如果当没有这个人对你发号施令的时候，你还会对自己诚实吗？还是你也学会了麻痹你自己。

Two lines from the blogger’s article resonated deeply: “Don’t fear the clumsiness of awareness. The posture of climbing upward is inherently awkward. Overconcern with appearances is dishonesty to oneself. Sacrificing your desires for others’ opinions is self-betrayal.” “Purity and sincerity may be qualities closer to success than worldliness and pragmatism.” A comment added: “The weak admire strength, while the strong admire truth.”

博主在文章里面还有两句话让我很有同感“不要害怕意识的笨拙，向上走的姿态注定是尴尬的，太在意这些面子上的东西是对自己的不诚实，为了别人的眼光，放弃自己的欲望。”“纯粹和真诚或许是比世故和功利更接近成功的品质。”评论里面还有句这样话，“弱者慕强，而强者慕真。”

I believe we often overestimate our abilities at the outset of a task, yet underestimate the progress we can achieve through deliberate practice over time. Growth is inherently clumsy; your advancement follows a spiral trajectory rather than a smooth, straight line upward. It should be a winding path that ultimately ascends. As you navigate these twists and turns, awkward moments are inevitable. The gaze of others may spark internal drama, but remember: you’re always moving forward. Your trajectory remains upward. “Sincerity” and “persistence” aren’t about maintaining a polished facade—they’re about allowing yourself to stumble time and again, yet continuing onward. Just like those video creators you admire—their early works were almost invariably raw and clumsy, yet this didn’t prevent them from eventually growing into towering trees. You might say luck hasn’t favored you, but remember: only when you dare to step onto the path you desire and persistently walk it will luck have a chance to cross your path.

我觉得我们往往在事情开始时，高估自己在事情上的能力，但是又低估我们在长时间内通过刻意练习能取得的进步。成长本来就是一件笨拙的事，你的进步也是螺旋上升的，它不太可能是一条平缓向上的直线。它应该是一条曲曲折折但终究向上的曲线。在你曲折前行时，难免行为窘迫，周围的目光会让你有很多的内心戏，但是不要忘记的是你一直在向前走，你的趋势依然是向上的。所谓‘真诚’和‘坚持’，不是光鲜亮丽的姿态，而是一次次允许自己跌跌撞撞，却依旧走下去。就像你喜欢的那些视频创作者，他们早期的作品几乎无一例外都青涩而笨拙，但这并不妨碍他们后来长成参天大树。你也许会说，运气没有垂青于你，但请记住，只有当你先敢于踏上自己想要的路，并坚持走下去时，运气才有可能与你相遇。

Be honest with yourself first. If you want it, don’t pretend you don’t. If you desire it, don’t abandon what you want.

你得先对自己诚实，如果你想要，请别假装你不想要。如果你想要，请别放弃你想要的。